


Haunted

by Nemesis (ThetaSigma), ThetaSigma



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-ep: s6e10 Haunted
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-13
Updated: 2016-02-13
Packaged: 2018-05-20 05:53:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5993872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThetaSigma/pseuds/Nemesis, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThetaSigma/pseuds/ThetaSigma
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the shooting, John struggles to stay together. It was always his worst nightmare, and Fin won't even rest.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Haunted

It had happened, his worst fucking nightmare, and John hadn’t been there. A fucking _coffee run_ and Fin got shot. _Coffee_.

John had heard the call come in over the radio, the 10-13, the shots fired, plainclothes detectives at the scene, and his stomach and heart had dropped down to somewhere below his feet. He had been back at the squad room, waiting for Liv and Fin to catch the perp on their stakeout. The next conversation he had had was Cragen calling him in seriously into his office, a grim look on his face.

“Fin’s been shot,” he said seriously. “I have to officially make next of kin notification, that’s you,” he added, putting a comforting hand on John’s shoulder.

John’s face twisted into grief. “How bad?”

“Shoulder. It hit an artery. He’s en route to the hospital; we can be there in minutes with flashing lights. Let’s go.”

John rushed in with Elliot and saw Fin being wheeled away, one glance of his bloody lover. Please not his last glance, please. “How is he?” he demanded, forcibly restricting himself from grabbing Liv and getting answers out of her.

“He’s going into surgery, they won’t tell me anything.”

Liv was explaining, coffee, a shootout, something about a kid. John pulled himself together enough to ask about the kid, and heard distantly Cragen ordering him to find out what happened.

“Captain, I’d rather stay here,” he said, turning to Cragen in disbelief. How could he work like this? 

Cragen nodded shamefully. “I’m sorry; I forgot for a moment. John, does he have any other family to notify?”

“A son; I don’t know how to reach him. We’ve never met,” John said heavily. They were going to now.

“Liv, go to the precinct. The information will be on his 10 card,” Cragen ordered. “And get cleaned up.”

Elliot and Liv left, and Cragen turned to John. “I’m sorry,” he said softly. “I forgot for a moment, in all the commotion. You take all the time you need, John.”

John turned to him with the grimmest face Cragen had ever seen on him. “What if that’s the last I ever saw of Fin?”

Cragen had no answer for him.

***

They were together when the news came, John taking his mind off by helping find the second gun. No way he was letting the media crucify his lover, not when he was fighting for his life. Not ever.

The surgeon came back. John gritted his teeth so hard he felt they might shatter. He wasn’t ready. He couldn’t…

“He’s going to make a full recovery,” the surgeon finished saying, and John felt like weeping with joy. He was never leaving Fin’s side again until they forcibly removed him. 

“I’m going to him,” John said. 

“I’ll be along in a few minutes,” Cragen answered. He had business to discuss with Fin, but he knew John needed a moment first.

John entered Fin’s room and just stared, reassuring himself that his lover was okay, was here, was alive. 

“John,” Fin said warmly. He reached his good arm out towards him. 

“ _Fin_ ,” John said emotionally. “ _Fuck_ , I nearly lost you. I wasn’t there.”

“You couldn’t’ve known,” Fin said softly, pulling John close and nuzzling his neck. “I’m here, John. I’m here.”

“Fin,” John said seriously, pulling back to look his lover in the eyes. “Fin, I love you, and I don’t say it often enough, and you might have died without hearing it one last time.”

“I didn’t.”

Cragen opened the door, and John sat down, still holding Fin’s good hand. Cragen shot him a look but said nothing, taking the other chair. Fin had questions about the shooting, about the boy, and they discussed it.

The door opened again, Liv this time. “You up for some company?” she asked. John had a feeling who was going to enter and reluctantly let go of Fin’s hand. There were better ways for his son to find out. Fin looked at him, puzzled, until he saw who entered. His son.

“Give us a minute?” Fin asked, turning to John. “Please?”

John nodded, taking one last look at Fin to reassure himself again that the man was in fact alive.

***

Fin didn’t want to talk about his son afterwards, and uncharacteristically, John didn’t push him. John had gotten in the habit of pushing Fin to open up more to him, but right now, he didn’t care. He’d find out later. He held Fin tight all night, unable to sleep, just watching Fin’s chest rise and fall. He’d drift off for a few minutes before waking up suddenly to a nightmare of watching his lover wheeled away bloody, and he’d go back to watching Fin breathe in the moonlight.

He left the next morning for work with a firm admonition to Fin not to come in. He felt like a basket case; it had rattled him more than he could have admitted. 

John knocked on Cragen’s office. “Captain?”

“John,” Cragen said. “You can take time off, too, you know.”

John shook his head, but sat down. 

“You want to talk about it?” Cragen asked, coming around the desk.

John nodded. “I couldn’t sleep,” he admitted. “Kept seeing Fin on that stretcher, God, the way he looked…. I spent all night watching him breathe, just holding him to me. I don’t know if I can handle this job, Captain, I can’t handle another incident like this.”

“John, it’s been a day,” Cragen said. “You’ve had a bad scare. Fin’s going to be fine, and even if you leave, I don’t think Fin will. Talk to Huang, but I don’t think you’re going to gain anything by leaving except more worry. Right now, you’re the one who has Fin’s back.”

“Except I didn’t,” John said. “I was nowhere near him when this happened.”

“You can’t blame yourself for this, John,” Cragen said firmly. 

***

John didn’t like this at all. His partner was in no condition to be back on the streets on some personal mission. He understood Fin’s reasons and had a hunch it tied into his relationship with his son – that meeting had gone spectacularly not well, apparently – but it was too soon.

For both of them. John wasn’t ready for Fin to be back out there, back in danger, not when he was still processing the whole shooting. 

He said nothing and watched as his partner headed out, hoping he’d be back.

***

John sat home, drinking a beer. He was alone, Fin out tracing Tricia Knowles’ son. He was in a melancholy mood, and he admitted it freely. He still hadn’t slept properly, nightmares of Fin dead every time he shut his eyes, and he had barely talked to Fin since this clusterfuck had gotten dumped in his lap.

A thread of jealousy wound through him too. He was not a jealous man, but he _missed_ having Fin as a partner and resented that this rookie idiot Sandoval _did_. He knew Fin wasn’t going to cheat on him and wasn’t worried about that; the jealousy was purely about Fin’s time and energy, especially so close after the shooting.

Maybe he _should_ talk to Huang, John thought. He rubbed his eyes blearily and looked at the clock, wondering if he could sleep this time if he went to bed. 

Fin came in and spied the beer. “Any more of that?” he asked.

“Hello to you too,” John said.

“Aw man, don’t give me that.”

“Fin, I’ve barely seen you since the shooting,” John said. “I _need_ to. I need to know you’re okay. I can’t… fuck, Fin, I’ve barely slept.”

He stood up and pulled Fin into him. Fin melted into him, kissing him fiercely. He’d been so involved with this case he’d forgotten that John was suffering, too. He imagined the situations reversed: John shot, a glimpse of John on the stretcher, a surgery, then barely seeing John for days. He wouldn’t be in much better shape if it had been John, and he resolved, tonight, to let it go for a few hours. It would be there in the morning, and they needed each other right now. 

John’s hand tugged at the bottom of his braid, pulling it the elastic free, working the braid free, tangling his hand in Fin’s hair. They were still kissing, clutching onto each other fiercely, both of them holding like they never wanted to let go.

Fin hissed suddenly, and John stopped. “My shoulder,” Fin admitted. “I may have been overdoing it.”

John pulled Fin close, gently, and said, “We don’t have to do anything tonight, my love. But I want you here. Please, Fin.”

Fin nodded and held onto John. “I’m still here.”

“All week, I’ve wanted to reassure myself of that,” John said softly. “I don’t know what I’d do without you, Fin.”

Fin looked at John steadily. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

***

A fucking explosion, thanks to that unbelievable rookie idiot. John was seething and he absolutely could not wait until Fin was back with him, as his partner, because goddammit, he _knew_ to look for a tripwire. Cragen called John into his office.

“It’s interfering with your work, John,” Cragen said.

“My relationship?” John asked disbelievingly. It _hadn’t_ until this had happened, and he was staggered that they were having this conversation.

“No, your emotions regarding everything that’s happened in the past week. That suggestion to talk to Huang is no longer a suggestion; it’s an order. I don’t want to see you here until you have.”

***

He had talked to Huang, which actually had helped put things in perspective. Fin was home, decontaminated and victorious. 

“You did good,” John said, pulling Fin close. “Think we can rest, now?”

“Yeah,” Fin said sleepily. “Yeah, we can.” He held John tight with his good arm. “John,” he said. “I’m sorry I didn’t think of you this week. I got so caught up…”

“It’s okay,” John said. “I know.” He just held Fin, reveling in the feel of his lover in his arms, warm and safe, and resolved never to let go of this man.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Comments are love <3


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